Oh please lord, just let me
make it though these last few episodes with my professional status
unscathed! - theFreyKai's Komic Kaptions 26
Oh please lord, just let me
make it though these last few episodes with my professional status
unscathed! - theFrey
Hmm... pick up dry cleaning, buy more coffee, get oil change... did I turn off the iron this morning? - dgrequeen
MM: Cut!!! this is my bad side - darkcrow23
Kai: This tatoo on my cheek symbolizes the how this episode will trail off at the end. - LexxLurker
you did what to my cropod? - darkcrow23
DMV Officer: Okay, Mr. Kai, turn this way and face the camera! Kai: Sigh....great, now I'm stuck being Xev's new chauffeur.. - mayaxiong
Michael McManus wonders if he'll ever be able to smile again after maintaining one facial expression for so many years. - DalekTek790
Fourteen eps down, ten to go - PeridotEyes
And how long is my contract for again? 'Life'? But I am dead. - PrimaNightwind
Why are Stan's underwear stuck on the ceiling? - GotHope
MM: What d'ya mean cheer up! This *is* my happy face... - Griever
McManus starts to count down the remaining hours of Lexx left to film... - Griever
The dead do not do spin-offs - darkcrow23
Landrew Zyeth, renowned artist, unveils the Official Kai Portrait that will hang in the
Mausoleum of the Not Quite Dead, in Washington..... - NB1
Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. - StormBorn
MM: Oh God...another drooler spy cam.... - Griever
Alone in his cyropod...erm, freezer,
Kai whiles away the hours by playing with his brace. - theFrey
And if you dip it in soapy water, it makes great bubbles! - dgrequeen
Kai: Well I found your problem. I'm gunna have to take this back to the shop. - darkcrow23
I told you kids, the pizza rolls are MINE!!! - Foxtrick
Mirror, Mirror, in my hand, Who's the Baddest Dude in all the Land?? - NB1
Kai: So what's the big deal? Superman has his phone booth, why can't I have my freezer? Okay, I know it's no cryopod, but it'll have to do - mayaxiong
Hey, I never noticed this writing before. Expiration date: June 1, 1997. Wait a minute... -DalekTek790
I told you we should've gotten the one that was frost-free!' - PeridotEyes
Get your new Freezer Burn Kai, the latest Lexx action figure! Floppy brace sold separately. - PeridotEyes
When you're in the mood for a yummy frozen treat, why not try an Assassin? Tasty and so good for you, too. They're in your grocer's freezer section. - PeridotEyes
See, I told you it was a frost-free brace! - Micromary
The brace also comes in handy for a ice pick. - GotHope
MM: Bitchin'!! ...oops wrong episode... - Griever
Stan off camera: Uh oh, now he's mad. I TOLD you the tanning bed was a bad idea! - Sarcasmagoria
Kai in a fit of rage decides to use his brace to swat the Sci-Fi channel's logo - darkcrow23
6000 years with only one toy...you'd think they'd chip in to buy me a balloon or something. - StormBorn
Time does *not* fly when you're dead. - StormBorn
The brace does not make for good shadow puppets. - StormBorn
Kai doesn't quite understand
what has happen here, it was one of his best assassin stories. The dead are not
boring, are they? - theFrey
The crew are forced to watch the last three episodes of Lexx. And they are not happy about it. - darkcrow23
Kai thinks: Remove the candle from Stanley that he claims to have fallen on, or grope Xev. Hummm, decisions, decisions. - LexxLurker
OK, she's almost asleep, and then I can cop a feel! - xevlexx
Stan: Hi Kai, want some chips? Kai: No, please tune to a news service. Stan: Can't. Bob just told Carol he got Alice pregnant. Kai: Then I will return to cold storage. Stan: Suit yourself. Kai: The dead do not suit themselves - Splarka
Kai: The dead do not watch Oprah. Stan: Whatcha gonna do Kai? I've got the remote. Kai using brace to snatch the remote: Had the remote Stan. - Splarka
Kai may be dead, but his male instincts still demand that *he* control the remote. - theBrother
Yes, the rumors of a Spin-Off series of LEXX were true! Sadly, it seems to have turned out to be a home-soap Oprah series... - Grimace
Is Kai staring at Xev's cleavage...or Stans butt? - Grimace
Kai in his new role as Al Bundy in the 2005 remake of 'Married With Children'... - mayaxiong
Number 114: the dead do not experience jealousy. Number 115: the dead do not use availability heuristics. Number 116... Xev regrets asking Kai for a list of things the dead do not do. - DalekTek790
Kai wonders if this is what is meant by 'boob tube'. - Micromary
Kai looks at the limp bodies with a sigh that the living are too quickly tired out, and wonders how he'll get off with his brace now... - PrimaNightwind
Stan: Over 200 channels and still nothing on. - darkcrow23
As Stan stared entranced by the 'Trading Spaces' marathon, Kai wondered silently if he'd be able to cop a quick feel on Xev without waking her up. - Sarcasmagoria
As we suspected, emotionless dead people are just about the only ones who can make it through more than one episode of 'Yes, Dear.' - Sarcasmagoria
Xev and Stan have just viewed their first Jerry Springer Show and Kai is anxiously awaiting 'Night of the Living Dead' to start!! - NB1
Stan: Hey! Does this thing get Sci-Fi - darkcrow23
The Dead do not do couch potato. - PeridotEyes
Kai: Is it me? Or has Xev's boobs gotten bigger? Stan: Kai, what'd you say? Kai: Oh..nothing.... - DarkClusterLzrdXev
This upholstery might go well with their outfits, but it really clashes with mine. - StormBorn
Kai to self: These guys just don't appreciate curling. - canuk
Kai: I know Xev is asleep Stan but I am still NOT going to use the probe on you again. I would suggest you modify your wants... - NB1
Kai: I'm sorry but I tried to warn you what a 6,000 year old fart would smell like... - Griever
Kai: The light goes off,
Stanley. Stan: Thanks, Kai. - Congratulations to DalekTek790 winner
of the 6th Kai Kaption Kontest
It is episodes like this one that make it hard for Kai to get out of the freezer in the morning. - theFrey
Hey! How come my freezer only ever has bread crusts for the birds and the occasional turkey, I want the one that comes with the 'Dead Assassin Food Locator!' - theFrey
Kai: Hey! Wait a minute, how did I get in here?!? - darkcxrow23
Kai: Damn, I'm going to have to stop those proto-blood keggers, this is the third time this week I've passed out, and ended up in the County Morgue's cold room - mayaxiong
After a long night of drinking. Kai awakes to realize this is not his bathtub - darkcrow23
McManus is thinking: Maybe it's time to cut back on the beer. I coulda suffocated in here. - PeridotEyes
'This tanning bed sucks.' - PeridotEyes
Sometimes Kai just can't get it out. - PeridotEyes
McManus hopes no one will notice his substance abuse problem. It's the only way he can get through the remaining 10 episodes... - PeridotEyes
After 6000 frickin' years, we finally get a house, and do I get a real *bed*? Noooooo, I get this lousy freezer! - dgrequeen
Much to his annoyance, Kai discovers that he DOES remember what it is like to have a hangover. - PrimaNightwind
Kai: The dead do need nicotine....fast... - Griever
Salter Street unveils the latest in Lexx merchandising for children, 'The Kai in the Box!!!!' - NB1
Kai's job as a Frigidaire salesman is not going as well as he'd hoped. - anotherthurman
Kai thinking: I knew I should've watched where I was going, now I'm stuck in a mini freezer...My butt's gonna get freezer burn. - DarkClusterLzrdXev
Kai in training for his Maytag repairman gig - StormBorn
Kai: Dude, Where's my cryopod? - Griever
Don't worry Kai, it happens
to every man once in a while. - theFrey
Kai suddenly realizes he's developed a problem with premature bracelation. -dgrequeen
The dead do get limp timmys - darkcrow23
Kai: The Dead do not need Viagra - Lexx Lurker
And this is 'around the dark zone'. Those Duncan yo-yo kids got nothin' on me! - PrimaNightwind
Sometimes Kai just can't get it up. - PeridotEyes
...and Kai suddenly realized he couldn't get ANYTHING up anymore... - gobagirl
Kai: the dead do go limp... - Griever
Kai gives a whole new meaning to walking with a limp.... - Griever
Brian off camera snickering: I hear some Viagra can help that MM: Gah, which of you crew guys is putting rubber bands in my brace cord again.? Wardrobe!! I need a ciggie break! - mayaxiong
Kai: Don't you laugh. I can throw this pretty hard you know. - DalekTek790
And this is your Assassin on drugs... - PeridotEyes
Kai sounding slightly stoned: THAT'S never happened before. COOOOL!!- Micromary
Stan Off screen: Thank goodness that thing is *finally* satisfied! Xev Off screen: Quick! Let's get out of here before he recovers! Stan Off screen: Shouldn't he be running low on protoblood soon?! - PrimaNightwind
Kai looks and realizes exactly what 6000 years does to a man's equipment - Arania
Kai in a stoned voice: Hey I never noticed this thing before!!! - darkcrow23
When they were really bored, Xev and Stan would spike Kai's protoblood with bongwater and watch in amusement as he tried to figure out that 'Invisible Dog on a Leash' toy. - Sarcasmagoria
Kai to himself: Ohh darn the rumors about this thing breaking down after 6000 years are true. Now how I'm I going to scare up tail - darkcrow23
After viewing Uri Gellar on the television, Kai amazingly, using only mind control, proceeds to bend his brace!!!! Bravo to Kai!!!! - NB1